and it hasn't been an easy adjustment....I don't see how it could be after going through such a life-changing experience. Your view of life changes in a lot of ways. I've been trying to process the whole experience and what it means to my life here. It is a huge task with so many thoughts rushing through my brain.
So where does God want me? What does He want me to do with the talents, abilities, and "things" that He's given me? What is required of me?
To whom much is given, much is required.
That phrase has been running through my head daily for about a month. I would hold the little ones at Makaphutu and think, "Why was I born into a family where I have wanted for nothing, where all my needs have been met (financially, emotionally, spiritually)? Why was I born in a country that is full of opportunities? Why do I have excess and these people have so little?"
While I was there, it was easy to see where the needs were and do something about it. I would see Butternut laying in his bed, wrapped tightly in a blanket, violently rocking himself from side to side (due to being under-stimulated). I would scoop him up, give him a bear hug, and rock him back and forth. I saw the need and could help.
What do I do now that I am here? Far away from reaching out to hold that sweet baby. What do I do with these raw memories so that they're used to make a difference? How do I go back to my daily routine with my nice car, my nice house, my nice things and not live in this world somehow differently?
My heart feels pulled to go back and hopefully I can. But I know there is a reason that I am here, living and teaching in Richardson. I have sweet babies here that need someone to help meet their needs.
I spent my first Saturday back with two of my former students for just that reason. I picked up Octavion from Pleasant Grove and D'Angelo from Garland and just spent time listening and loving on them. They both shared with me some hard, sad things going on in their lives....and I was reminded that even though they have substantially more "things" than the children in South Africa, they all have unmet needs. They need someone who cares about them and makes a difference in their lives.
So where does God want me? What does He want me to do with the talents, abilities, and "things" that He's given me? What is required of me?I'm still thinking, definitely still learning, and listening for direction.
To whom much is given, much is required.
4 comments:
Cassie,
Re-entry is so tough. Sounds like you are processing in a healthy way. I will continue to pray for you in this. Hope you can come to dinner soon. Let me know what works for you.
Gigi
Hey Cass
I am proud of you and your love for those children. I know your heart aches for them. My only encouragement to you is that God loves them more than you or I or anyone else in the world and he wants the best for them. I know that sounds hollow or trite at times but it is true, God is a loving Father who wants the best for his children, all of his children. I love you and I am available if you ever need to talk.
Tu hermano
What a beautiful post. The good thing is you can trust that YOU don't have to be the one to decide where or what you're supposed to be doing. It will be placed in front of you. Easy to say, hard to accept. Butternut!!! I LOVE that name!!!!! O and D are getting BIG!!
WOW I had no idea re-entry would be so tough. You are so right, I think Churchill used the phase a little differently when he said "to whom much is given, much is expected" and sometimes that seems like such a arduous task, especially in light of what we saw in South Africa!
I was really touched by your idea to reach out to Inkazimulo (you ever tried to Google them, they don’t exist on the web) and I am behind your idea 120%, if you need anything let me know.
You really did a great job in SA (you all were awesome) and for that I am much indebted and thanks for sharing the experience.
On to more of Teachers Making a Difference in the World!
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